My just-out-of-school child joins college soon. I'm very nervous about the parent interviews. How do I prepare for them? Also, some of the teachers in a school are my friends. However, my other child is their ward, conversation inside and outside school gets a little awkward. How do I demonstrate to my child the difference between her "aunty" outside school and the "miss/ teacher" in school?
— Vikram Udyavar
Parenting is a full-time job without any manuals! And yet we have nurtured a great foundation of the next generation, though they need to be harnessed from time to time. And their intelligence is enhanced and cultivated at the various colleges and institutes that you will be called on to visit in these few weeks for your child's admissions.
Interviews of any kind do make all of us nervous but we've got to keep our wits and confidence about ourselves, especially when called to accompany our children to such meetings.
• It is essential to answer all questions with truth and sincerity. Don't attempt to appear what you are not, particularly in terms of social status and standing.
• This will also indicate to your child that no matter what, you are proud of who you are. The child will adopt these qualities and will lean upon when faced with peer pressure.
• You will be asked questions about the nature and quality of relationship with your child. While you must be honest, do know that what and how you frame your responses will set the tone of how the child will be treated by the school or college staff and peers. It is necessary to keep the child's respect, but at the same time, diplomatically indicate the general shortcomings s/he may have. So, instead of saying your child is lazy, say s/he needs to be motivated.
• Impress upon the school/college the awareness and remedial actions that you intend to implement to improve these shortcomings. This will prove that you are involved in your child's education and it also instils confidence within the child.
• If you are posed questions regarding the environment at home and/or the relationship with your spouse, it is advisable to keep the responses diplomatic.
• If you are a single parent, you may say so without giving details of your marital status.
• If you have friends who are part of the faculty, it may be difficult for tender children to disconnect the relationship between them and an "aunty or uncle" and a teacher.
• Tell them people play different roles. So at school, the "aunty/uncle" is a teacher and the child is a student. The teacher must be addressed as 'ma'am' or 'sir' and the child will be treated like any other student.
• And when at home, the "aunty/uncle" is a friend and the child can expect the warm, familiar relationship s/he has enjoyed so far.
• Children like to boast about their proximity to their teachers / professors to the other students and this tendency needs to be curbed.
• You could pointedly indicate that the inability to keep the relationships in their respective slots may lead to them being alienated from other students and being perceived as "teacher's pets".
• Do not go out of your way to describe the nature of your relationship to all and sundry. When bumping into a friend at school, restrict the conversation to school work. It is also advisable to not flaunt your close relationship with a teacher to other parents or faculty members.
• Likewise, avoid asking questions about your child's progress and problems at school when meeting a teacher at a house party. Keep these questions for PTA meetings.
• If your child has been pulled up in class for untoward behaviour, step in only when asked. Do not take the punishment personally, or be vindictive and sever the relationship with the teacher. Understand that the deed may have been done for the betterment of the child. Leave the remedial action to the teacher.
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