Stop that Bully

Does your child come up with novel excuses to skip school every day? Do they come home with tell tale signs of abuse at school and gloss it over by citing a fall in the playground or tripping in the toilet? If you happen to be a parent who answers both in the affirmative, may be you need to sit up and take urgent notice as your child could be a victim of bullying at school.

Children can become bullies for a variety of reasons. The issues can be as simple as testing one's power play over 'weaker' kids in school or as complex as feeding their own need for attention.

Bullies are often known to act the way they do to camouflage their own inadequacies and insecurities.

Sometimes bullying also works as a tool to get 'popularity' among one's peer group.  Or they might simply be emulating the behaviour of adults around them – parents, teachers or other role models.

Bullies are typically 'bigger' compared to their counterparts and find easy prey in smaller, 'weaker' looking kids.

Whatever the reason, bullying needs to be identified and stopped with immediate effect. Here are some ways to deal with the menace:

1   Children who are victims of bullying often reflect distrust in their inter-personal interactions. So much so that they may not even be willing to confide in their own parents, as they feel the situation could get worse.

Sometimes, a bullied child may also come from a home where communication is not very fluid and parent-child relationship not very healthy. Bullied children are very scared children. As a parent you have to encourage them to talk. If you enjoy a good parent-child relationship nothing like it, if not, correct the situation and try to get close to your child. Hold their little hand and encourage a heart-to-heart.

2   Every child needs nurturing but a bullied child more so and the solid reassurance of an adult. Often the strength you may give your child can also help them to become more confident in themselves and put a stop to bullying on their own without your intervention!

3   Look closer at your child. Do they reflect a nervous personality? Body language like hunched shoulders, downcast eyes, dragging of the feet is easy to read if you pay attention. Help build the personality of your child by offering a conducive, encouraging environment where they can blossom and come into their own.

4   Finding strength in numbers is another way to counter bullying at school. Encourage your child to find like-minded friends and band together in such a group especially during recess or when school gives out. A lone child is an easy target but being part of a group provides good protection.

5   As pointed out earlier, a bully is often looking for attention. Ignoring a bully is a good way to deal with the situation. The more one reacts to a bully's taunts and teasing, the more fun they derive out of the situation. It may be easier said than done and may require some perseverance from your child, but the tactic is known to work in the long run. Again, 'ignoring' doesn't mean bearing the brunt of all bullying. Help your child build a firm will to not to react to negativity, to be like a rock whom no storm can easily topple!

6   Instill it in your child's mind again and again that they shouldn't tolerate bullying at all. Encourage them to stand up for themselves and say NO loud and clear when the situation demands. While this is the complete opposite of the previous point, it is as effective, if not more, for bullies like to prey on 'weaker' children, who are no match for them. Even if your child is small in stature, helping them build a strong, no-nonsense attitude will not only serve as a huge deterrent for bullies, but will stand them in good steed throughout their future lives!

7   Sometimes you may need to take a more drastic measure like putting your child to a different school. A change in environment is sometimes all you need to help your child work on a different 'image' for himself, which can be difficult to achieve in the old school as he/she may already have a certain kind of 'reputation' there.

While the above-mentioned points are good tools of deterrence, sometimes it may take a while to correct the situation at hand, during which time your child may have undergone immense trauma. Childhood memories of bullying can leave lifelong scars. So act quickly and effectively.